The Soft Serve Podcast

90 Days of Alcohol Sobriety-A Reflection

I stopped drinking alcohol ninety days ago.

There was no intervention, epiphany, or rock bottom. The reason why I stopped drinking is simple: I got a cold. The medicine I was taking, DayQuil/NightQuil, recommends that you not drink alcohol while taking it. 

So I stopped.

I have been a night drinker, mostly. Two drinks in the evening (usually whiskey, tequila, or beer), over the course of a couple of hours, while watching television or out with friends. Rarely, would I get drunk; maybe on a Friday night when I had a few more drinks than usual while playing video games with my friends.

I was totally functional. 

Alcohol wasn’t interfering with my life. 

Except I knew this wasn’t true. 

For a period of time before I stopped, I had been questioning my drinking habits. Was I drinking too much? Too frequently? How long had it been since I had gone more than a day or two without a drink? Deep inside, I could FEEL something was wrong with my drinking.

I also knew something wasn’t right with me emotionally. For the last ten months or so prior to quitting drinking, I had been a mess. My generalized anxiety was eating me alive with a constant barrage of jealousy, fear, anger, sadness, and aggression. Alcohol helped quiet these feelings for a few blissful hours at a time, until I fell asleep. As the sun rose with each dawn, so did my anxiety. I was trapped in a destructive, worsening cycle of lows and highs, with peaks getting lower, the valleys deeper.

So, when I got sick and needed medicine, I made a decision to stop drinking. 

It was that simple. 

Physically, stopping drinking wasn’t too hard. I didn’t have withdrawal symptoms or what I would describe as cravings. In the first couple of days, I THOUGHT about alcohol a lot. Images of myself going through my nightly drinking rituals would pop into my mind throughout the day, and, just as suddenly, exit. With time, these mental “Hello! Goodbye!”  intrusions diminished, and then stopped.

So did the pathological anxiety that was ripping me apart from the inside. Within two weeks, the intense cycling of extreme emotions I had been experiencing for almost a year stopped. I felt stable again. In control. Like I had been returned to myself. This psychological healing I experienced is the closest thing to a sense of divine intervention I have experienced. 

Of course, as an atheist, I don’t believe in God.

With the help of the book, “This Naked Mind,” written by Annie Grace, I understand why I got better when I stopped drinking. Alcohol had my thoughts and emotions on a neurochemical rollercoaster of ups and downs that distorted my perception of the world and myself. 

To extend the amusement park metaphor, I was living in an alcohol mirror maze that warped everything passing through it, including and especially, myself.

On the one hand, I am ashamed that I allowed this  to happen to me. 

On the other hand, I am proud that I recognized my problem before it got worse, and did something about it. 

Some are not so lucky.

I’m not going to lie. Three months into this journey, I sometimes miss drinking. It’s not a physical craving, more like a nagging feeling that I don’t have something I should have. An absence of ritual, perhaps. Or something that everyone else can have that I can’t. Of course, I know this is not true, that I’m not alone in committing to becoming a “non-drinker.”

Friends and family- both drinkers and abstainers- have been incredibly supportive, for the most part. One person suggested that I was going too far giving up alcohol, that I should “just drink one day a week, on Friday.” While I appreciated the suggestion, I told them that this is exactly where I started with my drinking, and somehow, insidiously, I ended up in a much worse place, drinking daily and half-crazy from anxiety.

Everyone is different. 

For me, the reality is I shouldn’t drink because I’m healthier when I don’t. 

Even though I miss drinking sometimes, there are some things I won’t miss:

• Planning to buy alcohol. On the way home from work? Before or after the gym?
• Agonizing over which beer or whiskey to buy. Is it the right one? Is it strong enough? 12 oz or 16 oz cans? A regular bottle or a handle?
• Worrying about how long the alcohol I just bought is going to last.
• The money spent on drinking. I don’t even want to think about this, really.
• Obsessively checking my glass, bottle, or can to see how much alcohol is left in it.
• Wondering whether or not I’m okay to drive.
• Getting up to pee in the middle of the night, even more than is normal for a middle-aged guy like me.
• Worrying about how I’m coming off to others in social situations after a few drinks.
• Being concerned about what my kids think about my drinking.

 

Ninety days. In the life of an alcohol-sober person, I’m still a baby. 

I have a lifetime ahead of me, I know.

In the last few weeks, a few people who are aware through my social media posts and podcast that I have stopped drinking have reached out to me for advice regarding their own relationships with alcohol. While I’m not qualified to help in a professional way, I did my best to listen and offer support in a non-judgemental manner. 

I feel humbled that anyone would see me as a resource for positive change in their own life, and hope I was able to help. If you’re reading or listening to this and are thinking about your own relationship with alcohol and want to talk, feel free to reach out.

That’s it. I hope this didn’t come off as preachy or obnoxious— I just wanted to share my story with you. Be well.

Now, I need to go get a drink...of tea.

Green. Hot!

Mental Health During Coronavirus.

[Disclaimer].

Pre-Show run-down. 

Thanks to all the people on the front lines. Healthcare workers; 1st responders; supply-chain; grocery store and pharmacy workers.

[Intro].

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Guests:

• Michael Chunyk, Amherst Psychotherapy Practice. https://www.amhersttherapy.org/our-team
• Johanna Hammer.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Weeks 5 and 6 of quarantine. How are we all dealing?
• Protests & observations about people not social distancing.
• Mental, social, and emotional wellness during this time.
• 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Man’s Search for Meaning. Book, https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

THE SOCIAL DISTANCE RAG. https://soundcloud.com/joshuajoshs/social-distancing-rag 

• “Name 20 Albums” Facebook challenge.
• Unorthodox, Netflix.
  Shira Haas - Mi Bon Siach (Singing in Unorthodox)

 

• High Maintenance, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/high-maintenance

 

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

 

• Devs, FX. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/devs

 

• Everything's Going to Be Okay. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt8680006/
• How to Fix a Drug Scandal. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11958942/
• Please Like Me. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2155025/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

[Plugs]

• Purple Flame Mutual Aid Network. https://www.gofundme.com/f/thepurpleflameeasthampton
• Attack Bear Press. https://www.facebook.com/attackbearpress/
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast. New Episode released April 1! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

Thanks to all the people. Subscribe, download, leave a review. [End.]

Sawtooth has COVID-19 and Teaching from Home During Quarantine.

Pre-Show run-down. 

Thanks to all the people on the front lines. Healthcare workers; 1st responders; supply-chain; grocery store and pharmacy workers.

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Guests: Nerdy Nellie.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Weeks 4 and 5 of quarantine. How are we all dealing?
• Sawtooth’s COVID-19 illness.
• Sawtooth Gets a Porn Ransom Email.
• Please, Please, Please, DO THE SOCIAL DISTANCE RAG. https://soundcloud.com/joshuajoshs/social-distancing-rag
• Teaching, Teachers, and Parents.

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

• • Onward. https://www.disneyplus.com/movies/onward/xVcGOSq9BY21
  • Planet of the Apes trilogy. https://www.20thcenturystudios.com/movies/planet-of-the-apes-trilogy
  • Ozark, Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/80117552
  • Tiger King, Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81115994

 

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

• Devs, FX. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/devs

 

[Plugs]

• Purple Flame Mutual Aid Network. https://www.gofundme.com/f/thepurpleflameeasthampton
• Attack Bear Press. https://www.facebook.com/attackbearpress/
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast. New Episode released April 1! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

Josh from Black Labyrinth Tattoo Syndicate and Jason from Attack Bear Press.

[Disclaimer].

Pre-Show run-down. 

Thanks to all the people on the front lines. Healthcare workers; 1st responders; supply-chain; grocery store and pharmacy workers.

[Intro].

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Guests: Josh S. and Jason M.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Weeks 3 and 4 of quarantine. How are we all dealing?
• Sawtooth’s COVID-19 experience.
• Please, Please, Please, DO THE SOCIAL DISTANCE RAG. https://soundcloud.com/joshuajoshs/social-distancing-rag
• Art during a national crisis.
• What if you make your living doing art?
• Purple Flame Mutual Aid Network. https://www.gofundme.com/f/thepurpleflameeasthampton
• Attack Bear Press. https://www.facebook.com/attackbearpress/
• The Black Labyrinth Tattoo Syndicate. https://www.theblacklabyrinth.com
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast. New Episode released April 1! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

• • Planet of the Apes trilogy. https://www.20thcenturystudios.com/movies/planet-of-the-apes-trilogy
  • Ozark, Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/80117552
  • Tiger King, Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81115994

 

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

• Devs, FX. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/devs

 

Thanks to all the people. Subscribe, download, leave a review. [End.]

Impact of COVID-19 Pandemic on Small Business and Coronavirus-Driven Revolution!

Pre-Show run-down. 

Thanks to all the people on the front lines. Healthcare workers; 1st responders; supply-chain; grocery store and pharmacy workers.

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Guest: Mr. Gutbucket.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Yep, this is happening. And we may have COVID-19.
• National “shut-down” extended to April 30.
• People STILL not social distancing. 
  • The social distance rag. https://soundcloud.com/joshuajoshs/social-distancing-rag
• Weeks 2 to 3 of quarantine. How are we dealing?
• Community and small business impacts.
• What are we doing to stay sane?
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast. New Episode releases April 6! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

Watching:

• • The Platform,  Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81128579
  • Tiger King, Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81115994
  • Picard, CBS All Access. https://www.cbs.com/shows/star-trek-picard/

 

• The Outsider, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/the-outsider

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

• Devs, FX. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/devs

 

• The Walking Dead, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead
• Survivor, CBS. https://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/

Thanks to all the people.

Subscribe, download, leave a review. [End.]

COVID-19 Updates: Impact on People with Disabilities and ”Ramblin’ Blind Josh Pearson’s” Music.

[Disclaimer].

Pre-Show run-down. 

[Soft Serve Intro].

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Guests: Ramblin’ Blind Josh Pearson & Shirtless Wonder.

[Music Interlude 1]. Ramblin’ Blind Josh Pearson music.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Is this really happening?
• Last week: everything begins to shut down. (schools; gyms; movie theaters; businesses).
• State of Massachusetts: “Stay at home advisory,” the (Republican) coward’s Shelter-in-place. https://bit.ly/33DJ5K8
• (Not) Social distancing.
• Navigating the near-apocalypse for people with disabilities.
• Community helpers. (Mask production, collection; Meals; free eggs)
• Fun stuff online. https://youy5tu.be/X6BQ2Ko_EJ0

[Music Interlude 2]. Ramblin’ Blind Josh Pearson music.

• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast. New Episode releases April 6! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

Watching:

 

• Devs, FX. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/devs

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

 

• The Walking Dead, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead
• Survivor, CBS. https://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/
• Picard, CBS All Access. https://www.cbs.com/shows/star-trek-picard/
• The Outsider, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/the-outsider

Thanks to all the people on the front lines. Healthcare workers; 1st responders; supply-chain; grocery store and pharmacy workers.

Subscribe, download, leave a review. [End.]

Coronavirus Pandemic Declared! Panic, Social Distancing, Tips for Working Remote.

Pre-Show run-down. 

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Show Beverages.

Guests: Nerdy Nellie & Shiverin’ Jim.

• What a difference a week makes.
• Federal Government’s overall response— How has Trump been doing?
• Sawtooth went shopping on on Tuesday, 3/10...Warning signs abound.
• Friday, 3/13, The States begin to shut it all down!
• Monday, 3/16, Trump FINALLY takes this shit seriously.
• Working from home. Guidelines.
• Social distancing. How are you doing it?
• Elementary school closings. How are you responding?
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast released Monday, March 2! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541
• Ramblin' Blind Josh Pearson. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9JMMbQZIHVwHagHqYZjj9Q

Watching:

 

• Devs, FX. https://www.fxnetworks.com/shows/devs

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

 

• The Walking Dead, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead
• Survivor, CBS. https://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/
• Picard, CBS All Access. https://www.cbs.com/shows/star-trek-picard/
• The Outsider, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/the-outsider

Reading:

• The Alcohol Experiment & This Naked Mind, Annie Grace. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0008293473/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_muFqEbKMTH76A
  https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_RvFqEbFNVNGQP

Subscribe, download, leave a review.

Sawtooth’s 46th Birthday; Coronavirus; and Happiest Moments of the Year.

[Disclaimer].

Pre-Show run-down. 

[Soft Serve Intro].

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Show Beverages.

Guests: Shiverin’ Jim & Mr. E.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Super Tuesday.
• Sawtooth’s 46th Birthday.
  • Auntie V. dinner
  • The Impossible Burger. https://impossiblefoods.com
  • Cupcakes from Mr. E.
  • New wallet.
  • No kids around.
• Homestead dinner. (Maple syrup seltzer.)
• Coronavirus hysteria. (Media; home; work.)
• Stomping Jen taking care of goats part deux.
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast released Monday, March 2! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

[Lists]. List 52: What were the happiest moments of your year?

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

Watching:

• • MA. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7958736/

 

• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

 

• The Walking Dead, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead
• Survivor, CBS. https://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/
• Picard, CBS All Access. https://www.cbs.com/shows/star-trek-picard/
• The Outsider, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/the-outsider

Reading:

• The Alcohol Experiment & This Naked Mind, Annie Grace. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0008293473/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_muFqEbKMTH76A
  https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_RvFqEbFNVNGQP

Micropenis Mystery; Hamantashen; Bad Soup; Coronavirus Preparations; Trolling a Phone Scammer.

Pre-Show run-down. 

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Show Beverages.

[News & Shout Outs]:

• Attaching headboard directly to the wall.
• Hamantaschen. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hamantash.
• Soup report! Mission Cantina, Amherst, MA. 
• Sawtooth’s Coronavirus preparation.
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast released Monday, March 2! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541
• Massachusetts primary election struggle- who to vote for?

[Lists]. List 51: How have you invested in your happiness this year?

[How are we entertaining ourselves?]

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3224458/

Honeyboy, Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B081PHDL5S/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r

 

Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul

The Walking Dead, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead

Avenue 5, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/avenue-5

Survivor, CBS. https://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/

Picard, CBS All Access. https://www.cbs.com/shows/star-trek-picard/

The Outsider, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/the-outsider

Reading:

• The Alcohol Experiment & This Naked Mind, Annie Grace. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0008293473/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_muFqEbKMTH76A
  https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_RvFqEbFNVNGQP

Subscribe, download, leave a review.

Tea with Trista.

Pre-Show run-down. 

Subscribe, download. SHARE WITH A FRIEND. Leave us reviews.

Call Trista, Real Talk & Tea blog. https://realtalktea.wordpress.com

Show Beverages.

• “Fake” Spring.
• Still not drinking— Day 28.
  • Being called “weird” and accused of being in a “sobriety cult.”
• Sawtooth’s progressive lense updates.
• Stomping Jen’s trip to Worcester. Seed to Stem. https://www.facebook.com/seedtostem/
• Worcester Public Market. https://www.worcesterpublicmarket.org
• Mike's Clam Shack in Well's, Maine. http://www.mikesclamshack.com
• Kaiju, Clam Chowder ramen: http://kaiju-amherst.com
• Routine Expedition: A Land of the Lost Podcast coming Monday, March 2! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/routine-expedition-a-land-of-the-lost-podcast/id1494644541

 List 50: What images make you happy?

• Horse Girl, Netflix. https://www.netflix.com/title/81060149
• Better Call Saul, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/better-call-saul
• The Walking Dead, AMC. https://www.amc.com/shows/the-walking-dead
• Avenue 5, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/avenue-5
• Survivor, CBS. https://www.cbs.com/shows/survivor/
• Picard, CBS All Access. https://www.cbs.com/shows/star-trek-picard/
• The Outsider, HBO. https://www.hbo.com/the-outsider
• Very Cavallari, NBC. https://www.nbc.com/very-cavallari
• Rebel Talent, book by Francesca Gino. https://www.amazon.com/Rebel-Talent-Pays-Break-Rules/dp/0062694634

• The Alcohol Experiment & This Naked Mind, Annie Grace. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0008293473/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_muFqEbKMTH76A
  https://www.amazon.com/dp/0525537236/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_RvFqEbFNVNGQP
• John Moreland, LP5. https://johnmoreland.net

Subscribe, download, leave a review.